Chronic Illness, Disability, and Worth

BY NICOLE LAU

Series: Locus and Body - Worth in Embodiment (Part 5 of 6)

"My body failed. Therefore, I am a failure."

"I am disabled. Therefore, I am broken."

"I cannot do what others can. Therefore, I am worthless."

When the body becomes chronically ill or disabled, and when society teaches that worth depends on body function, the result is worth collapse.

This article explores what happens when the body "fails," ableism as systemic external locus, and inherent worth independent of body function.

When the Body "Fails": Worth Implications

What Does "Body Failure" Mean?

"Body failure" is the language often used (by self and society) when the body:

• Becomes chronically ill
• Becomes disabled
• Loses function (mobility, vision, hearing, cognitive ability)
• Experiences chronic pain
• Cannot perform tasks it once could

This language itself reveals the locus pattern: The body is supposed to function a certain way. When it does not, it has "failed."

Chronic Illness and Worth

The Pattern

"I am valuable when my body is healthy and functional. My body is chronically ill. Therefore, I am worthless."

Why It Feels Like Worth Loss

• Loss of productivity - "I cannot work/contribute. Therefore, I am worthless." (Capitalism's worth = productivity)
• Loss of independence - "I need help. I am a burden. Therefore, I am worthless."
• Loss of identity - "I was an athlete/dancer/active person. Now I cannot do these things. Who am I?"
• Social invisibility - Chronically ill people are often invisible or pitied. "I do not matter."
• Medical gaslighting - "Doctors do not believe me. Maybe I am making it up. Maybe I am worthless."

Example: Maya, 32, developed chronic fatigue syndrome. She could no longer work full-time or maintain her active lifestyle. She felt like she had become worthless. "I am not contributing. I am just existing. What is the point of me?"

Disability and Worth

The Pattern

"I am valuable when my body functions 'normally.' My body is disabled. Therefore, I am broken and worthless."

Why It Feels Like Worth Loss

• Ableism - Society treats disabled bodies as less valuable, broken, tragic
• Internalized ableism - "My body is wrong. I am wrong. I am worthless."
• Desexualization - Disabled people are often deemed sexually undesirable. "No one will want me."
• Infantilization - Disabled people are treated as children or incapable. "I am not a full person."
• Pity or inspiration porn - Disabled people are either pitied or used as inspiration. "I am not seen as human."

Example: James, 28, became paralyzed after an accident. He internalized: My body is broken. I am broken. I am a burden. I am not a real man. I am worthless.

The Grief and the Worth Collapse

When the body becomes chronically ill or disabled, there is real grief:

• Grief for the body you had
• Grief for the life you lived
• Grief for the future you imagined
• Grief for abilities lost

This grief is valid and necessary.

But when worth depends on body function, grief becomes worth collapse:

"I lost my body's function. Therefore, I lost my worth. I am nothing."

This is the difference between grieving loss and experiencing worthlessness.

Ableism: Systemic External Locus

What Is Ableism?

Ableism is systemic discrimination against disabled people. It is the belief that:

• Able-bodied people are more valuable than disabled people
• "Normal" body function is superior
• Disability is tragedy, brokenness, or failure
• Disabled people are less capable, less intelligent, less worthy

This is ableism as external locus system. Worth depends on body function.

How Ableism Reinforces External Locus

1. Productivity as Worth

"You are valuable if you are productive. Disabled people are less productive. Therefore, they are less valuable."

This is capitalism + ableism = worth based on body's economic value.

2. Independence as Worth

"You are valuable if you are independent. Disabled people need help. Therefore, they are burdens and worthless."

This ignores that all humans are interdependent. No one is truly independent.

3. "Normal" as Worth

"You are valuable if your body functions 'normally.' Disabled bodies are abnormal. Therefore, they are less valuable."

This creates a hierarchy: able-bodied = worthy, disabled = unworthy.

4. Inspiration Porn

"Look at this disabled person doing normal things! They are so inspiring!"

This treats disabled people as objects for able-bodied people's inspiration, not as full humans.

5. Medical Model of Disability

The medical model sees disability as a problem to be fixed, cured, or eliminated. The disabled body is "broken."

This reinforces: Your body is wrong. You are wrong. You need to be fixed to be worthy.

The Social Model of Disability

The social model offers an alternative:

Disability is not just a medical condition—it is created by social barriers:

• Inaccessible buildings (no ramps, elevators)
• Lack of accommodations (no captions, no accessible formats)
• Discriminatory attitudes and policies
• Economic systems that exclude disabled people

The shift: The problem is not the disabled body. The problem is the ableist society.

This is crucial for locus work: Your body is not the problem. The system that devalues your body is the problem.

Inherent Worth Independent of Body Function

The Core Truth

You are valuable whether your body functions "normally" or not.

Your worth is not determined by:

• What your body can do
• How productive you are
• How independent you are
• How "normal" your body is

Your worth is inherent. You are valuable simply because you exist.

The Shift

External locus (ableism): "I am valuable when my body functions normally. My body is disabled/ill. Therefore, I am worthless."

Internal locus: "I am valuable whether my body functions 'normally' or not. My worth is inherent. My body's function does not determine my value."

What This Enables

1. Grieving Without Worth Collapse

"I can grieve the loss of function without believing I am worthless. Grief is not shame."

You can feel the pain of loss without fusing it with worthlessness.

2. Asking for Help Without Shame

"I need help. That does not make me a burden. I am valuable and I need support."

Interdependence is human. Needing help is not worthlessness.

3. Living Fully in This Body

"I can live fully in this body, with its limitations. I am valuable in this body as it is."

You do not need to wait for cure or fix to be worthy.

4. Challenging Ableism

"The problem is not my body. The problem is ableism. I can advocate for change."

You can fight systemic barriers without internalizing worthlessness.

5. Finding Meaning Beyond Function

"My worth is not in what I can do. I am valuable simply because I exist. I can find meaning in being, not just doing."

Case Example: From Worth Collapse to Inherent Worth

Aisha's Story

Background: Aisha, 35, developed multiple sclerosis. She lost mobility, had to leave her job, and needed daily assistance.

Worth collapse phase: "My body failed. I am a failure. I cannot work. I am a burden. I am worthless. I wish I did not exist." Aisha fell into severe depression. She felt like she had lost everything, including her worth.

Crisis: Aisha's therapist said: "Your worth is not in what your body can do. You are valuable simply because you exist." Aisha could not believe it. She had internalized ableism deeply.

Locus work:

• Recognized ableism: "I internalized the belief that worth = body function. This is ableism, not truth."
• Separated function from worth: "My body's function does not determine my worth"
• Grieved without shame: "I can grieve what I lost without believing I am worthless"
• Built internal worth: "I am valuable simply because I exist"
• Found meaning in being: "My worth is not in doing. I am valuable in being."
• Challenged ableism: "The problem is not my body. The problem is ableist society."

Outcome: After 18 months, Aisha's depression lifted. She still grieved her losses. But she knew she was valuable. She became a disability rights advocate.

Aisha: "I believed my body's disability made me worthless. That belief almost killed me. Now I know: I am valuable in this body, with all its limitations. My worth is inherent. That truth saved my life."

Practice: Inherent Worth in Chronic Illness and Disability

Reflection Questions

1. Do I believe my worth depends on my body's function?
2. Have I internalized ableism?
3. Can I grieve loss without experiencing worthlessness?
4. Can I ask for help without shame?
5. Can I be valuable in this body as it is?

Practices for Body Internal Locus

1. Separate Function from Worth

"My body's function does not determine my worth. I am valuable whether my body functions 'normally' or not."

2. Grieve Without Shame

"I can grieve what I lost without believing I am worthless. Grief is not shame."

3. Challenge Ableism

"The problem is not my body. The problem is ableist society. I can resist internalized ableism."

4. Affirm Inherent Worth

"I am valuable simply because I exist. My worth is inherent, not dependent on what I can do."

5. Find Meaning in Being

"My worth is not in doing. I am valuable in being. I can find meaning in existence itself."

What Comes Next

We have explored chronic illness, disability, and worth. The final article in this series is Embodied Worth: Somatic Internal Locus—the culmination of everything we have learned about locus in the body.

This article will explore the body as home not object, somatic practices for internal locus, and pleasure and rest as inherent worth.

This is the vision: living in your body with worth, regardless of how it looks or functions.