Consent and Internal Locus: Your Body, Your Choice

BY NICOLE LAU

The Psychology of Internal Locus: Why Most Suffering is Optional - Module 3: Adolescent Internal Locus Building (Ages 13-18) - Part II: Relationships and Social

Consent is non-negotiable. Your body belongs to you. You decide what happens with it. You can say yes. You can say no. You can change your mind. This is bodily autonomy - fundamental human right. But when your worth depends on being liked, consent becomes complicated. If your value depends on pleasing others, saying no to physical contact feels like risking worthlessness. This is external locus creating consent violations - saying yes when you mean no, allowing touch you don't want, sacrificing bodily autonomy to maintain approval.

When your worth depends on others' approval, you can't fully consent. Every no feels like potential rejection. Every boundary feels like risking relationship. Every assertion of bodily autonomy feels like choosing yourself over them - and if your worth depends on them, you can't choose yourself. This creates situations where consent is compromised, boundaries are violated, and trauma results.

But here's the truth: your body is yours. When your worth is inherent, you can say no without guilt. When your value is constant, you can assert bodily autonomy without fear. When your identity is solid, you can protect your body without losing connection. This is internal locus consent - clear, enthusiastic, autonomous. This is knowing your body belongs to you alone.

External Locus Consent Issues

When worth depends on approval:

Can't Say No: Saying no to physical contact feels like risking rejection and worthlessness.

Body as Currency: Using body to earn approval, maintain relationship, prove worth.

Reluctant Yes: Saying yes when you mean no. Consent given from pressure, not desire.

Freeze Response: Can't say no, can't move, can't protect yourself. Worth collapse creates paralysis.

Guilt at Boundaries: Setting physical boundaries feels selfish. Guilt overwhelms when you say no.

Trauma: Unwanted physical contact when you couldn't say no creates trauma.

Self-Blame: Blame yourself for not saying no, even though worth dependency made it impossible.

Internal Locus Consent

When worth is inherent:

Can Say No: No is valid. Can decline physical contact without guilt. Worth doesn't depend on saying yes.

Body Sovereignty: Body belongs to you. Not currency for approval. Your body, your choice.

Enthusiastic Yes: Only say yes when you genuinely want to. Consent is enthusiastic, not reluctant.

Can Protect Yourself: Can say no, can move, can leave. Worth intact enables self-protection.

Peace at Boundaries: Setting physical boundaries feels right, not guilty. Protecting body is healthy.

Safety: Clear consent creates safety. Bodily autonomy protects from trauma.

No Self-Blame: If consent violated, not your fault. You deserve bodily autonomy always.

What Consent Is

Understanding real consent:

Enthusiastic Yes: Real consent is enthusiastic yes, not absence of no. "Yes!" not "I guess."

Freely Given: No pressure, coercion, manipulation, guilt-tripping. Consent is free choice.

Informed: Know what you're consenting to. Full information, no deception.

Reversible: Can change mind at any time. Past yes doesn't mean future yes.

Specific: Consent to one thing isn't consent to everything. Each act requires consent.

Ongoing: Consent is continuous. Check in, respect boundaries, honor no.

What Consent Is Not

Understanding violations:

Silence Isn't Consent: Not saying no doesn't mean yes. Consent is active yes.

Pressure Isn't Consent: Guilt-tripping, begging, wearing down - not consent. Coercion is violation.

Intoxication Isn't Consent: Can't consent when drunk, high, impaired. Consent requires clear mind.

Past Yes Isn't Future Consent: Did it before doesn't mean consent now. Can always say no.

Relationship Isn't Consent: Being partners doesn't mean automatic consent. Still need yes every time.

Clothing Isn't Consent: What you wear doesn't mean consent. Your body, your choice always.

Building Consent Skills

How to practice bodily autonomy:

1. Know Your Worth: You're valuable whether they approve or not. Can say no without losing worth.

2. Your Body Is Yours: You have absolute sovereignty over your body. No one else has rights to it.

3. Practice Saying No: To hugs, touches, physical contact you don't want. Build muscle.

4. Enthusiastic Yes Only: Only say yes when you genuinely want to. Anything less is no.

5. You Can Change Mind: Started and want to stop? You can. Always.

6. No Explanation Needed: "No" is complete sentence. Don't need to justify bodily boundaries.

7. Trust Your Gut: If something feels wrong, it is. Honor your instincts.

If Consent Was Violated

Supporting survivors:

It's Not Your Fault: You didn't cause this. You don't deserve this. This is about them, not you.

Your Worth Is Intact: What happened doesn't diminish your worth. You're still valuable.

Get Support: Tell trusted adult, counselor, therapist. You don't have to heal alone.

Medical Care: Get medical attention if needed. Your health matters.

Report if You Choose: Reporting is your choice. Whatever you choose is valid.

Therapy: Professional support helps process trauma, heal, reclaim bodily autonomy.

You Will Heal: Trauma is real, but you can heal. You're not broken. You're worthy of healing.

The Long-Term Gift

Teenagers who practice consent from internal locus become adults who:

Have clear bodily boundaries. Can say no without guilt. Only engage in wanted physical contact. Build relationships of mutual respect and consent. Protect themselves and others. Pass consent culture to their own children.

This is the gift. This is bodily autonomy. This is internal locus.

Your Body Belongs to You

This is the message about consent: Your body belongs to you. You decide what happens with it. You can say no. You can say yes. You can change your mind. Your worth doesn't depend on saying yes. You don't owe anyone access to your body. Consent is enthusiastic yes, freely given, reversible. Anything less is violation. Your body is yours. Protect it. Honor it. Choose for it. You are sovereign over your own body. Always.

This is internal locus. This is consent. This is your body, your choice.