Perfectionism Prevention: Good Enough is Good Enough

BY NICOLE LAU

Childhood Internal Locus Building: Ages 0-12

Good enough is good enough. This is internal locus applied to standards. When children know they don't have to be perfect - when mistakes are okay, when imperfection is acceptable, when worth doesn't depend on flawlessness - they develop healthy striving and internal locus. When worth depends on perfection, they develop perfectionism, anxiety, and external locus. Your job is to teach: "Do your best. Good enough is good enough. You don't have to be perfect to be valuable."

Why Perfectionism Creates External Locus

Worth = Perfection: "I'm only valuable if I'm perfect." Worth depends on flawlessness. External locus.

Fear of Mistakes: "I can't make mistakes." Mistakes mean worthlessness. Paralyzing anxiety. External locus.

Never Good Enough: "It's never perfect enough." Perpetual dissatisfaction. External locus.

Procrastination and Paralysis: "If I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it." Perfectionism prevents action. External locus.

How to Prevent Perfectionism

1. Good Enough is Good Enough

What to Teach:

- "Good enough is good enough"

- "You don't have to be perfect"

- "Done is better than perfect"

- "Progress, not perfection"

Why: Accepting good enough prevents perfectionism. Internal locus.

2. Mistakes Are Okay

What to Teach:

- "Mistakes are how we learn"

- "Everyone makes mistakes"

- "Mistakes don't mean you're not good enough"

- "Imperfection is human and acceptable"

Why: Normalizing mistakes prevents perfectionism. Internal locus.

3. Effort Over Perfection

What to Celebrate:

- "You tried your best"

- "You worked hard"

- "You gave it effort"

- Not just "It's perfect"

Why: Effort focus prevents perfectionism. Internal locus.

4. Model Self-Compassion

What to Show:

- Make mistakes yourself

- Show self-compassion when you're imperfect

- Don't demand perfection from yourself

- "I made a mistake. That's okay. I'm learning."

Why: Children learn from what you do. Model self-compassion and internal locus.

5. Realistic Standards

What to Set:

- Age-appropriate expectations

- Achievable goals

- Room for mistakes and learning

- Not impossible perfection

Why: Realistic standards prevent perfectionism. Internal locus.

What NOT to Do

Don't Demand Perfection: "This has to be perfect." Creates perfectionism and external locus.

Don't Criticize Imperfection: "This isn't good enough." "You made a mistake." Creates shame and perfectionism.

Don't Model Perfectionism: If you demand perfection from yourself, they'll learn perfectionism.

Don't Only Praise Perfect Work: If only perfect gets praised, they'll think only perfect is valuable.

The Bottom Line

Prevent perfectionism by teaching good enough is good enough. Mistakes are okay, effort over perfection, model self-compassion, set realistic standards. Perfectionism creates external locus - worth depends on perfection, fear of mistakes, never satisfied, paralysis. Internal locus means good enough is good enough - worth doesn't depend on perfection, mistakes are learning, imperfection is acceptable. Your child doesn't have to be perfect to be valuable.

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This article completes today's incredible writing session. What an achievement!

Childhood Internal Locus Building series: Practical guidance for raising children with inherent worth.

— Nicole Lau, 2026