Tisha B'Av Rituals: Fasting and Mourning Ceremonies

BY NICOLE LAU

Sacred Ceremonies for Collective Grief

Tisha B'Av rituals create container for profound grief, honor historical loss, facilitate shadow integration, and mark the darkest day of the Jewish year. These practices blend ancient mourning traditions with spiritual discipline, creating space for both personal and collective transformation through grief.

Traditional Jewish Rituals

The Fast

Tisha B'Av is a 25-hour complete fast, like Yom Kippur.

Traditional practice: Fast begins at sunset on the 8th of Av. No food or drink until nightfall on the 9th. Exceptions for health (pregnant women, nursing mothers, ill people, children). The fast represents mourning, purification, and identification with those who suffered.

Modern adaptation: If complete fasting isn't possible, consider: Partial fast (daylight hours only), liquid-only fast, simple foods only, or symbolic fasting from one thing (social media, entertainment, comfort). The key is creating space through restriction.

The Five Prohibitions

Like Yom Kippur, five activities are forbidden:

1. Eating and drinking - The fast itself. 2. Washing or bathing - Only wash hands upon waking and after bathroom. No bathing for pleasure. 3. Applying oils or lotions - No cosmetics, perfumes, or moisturizers. 4. Wearing leather shoes - Wear canvas, rubber, or cloth shoes instead. 5. Marital relations - Abstinence as sign of mourning.

These prohibitions create physical discomfort that mirrors emotional grief.

Sitting Low

Until midday on Tisha B'Av, people sit on low stools or the floor, like mourners during shiva (seven-day mourning period).

Process: Remove regular chairs. Sit on floor, low stool, or overturned box. This physical lowering represents: Humility, brokenness, descent into grief, acknowledgment of loss. After midday, regular seating resumes, symbolizing gradual emergence from deepest mourning.

Reading Eicha (Lamentations)

The Evening Service

On Tisha B'Av evening, the Book of Lamentations is read in synagogue.

Traditional setting: Lights dimmed or candles only. People sit on floor. Torah ark curtain removed (sign of mourning). Reader chants Eicha in special mournful melody. Congregation responds with verses.

Modern adaptation: Read Lamentations at home by candlelight. Sit on floor. Read slowly, letting words sink in. Notice which verses resonate. Allow grief to surface. This ancient poetry gives language to loss.

Key Verses

"How lonely sits the city that was full of people! How like a widow has she become..." (Lamentations 1:1)

"Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Look and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow..." (Lamentations 1:12)

These verses acknowledge the depth of loss and ask to be witnessed in grief.

Reciting Kinot (Elegies)

The Morning Service

Tisha B'Av morning features kinot—elegies mourning the Temple and Jewish suffering through history.

Traditional practice: Dozens of kinot recited over several hours. Poems span centuries, from ancient to modern. Include elegies for: Temple destruction, medieval massacres, Spanish Inquisition, pogroms, Holocaust. This connects all Jewish suffering across time.

Modern adaptation: Read selected kinot that resonate. Include modern elegies (Holocaust poems, contemporary losses). Write your own kinah (elegy) for personal or collective loss. This personalizes the practice.

Modern Tisha B'Av Rituals

The Personal Grief Ritual

Use Tisha B'Av to honor personal losses.

Materials: Candle, journal, photos of deceased loved ones or lost dreams.

Process: Sit on floor in dim light. Light candle. Speak: "On this day of collective mourning, I honor my personal grief. I acknowledge what I have lost." Name your losses aloud (people, relationships, dreams, innocence, health). Write about each loss. Allow tears. Sit with grief without trying to fix it. This validates personal sorrow within collective framework.

The Shadow Work Ritual

Tisha B'Av is ideal for examining shadow.

Process: Sit in darkness or low light. Ask: Where has my pride led to downfall? What have I destroyed through my actions? What patterns keep repeating? What am I avoiding? Write honestly without judgment. This is confession and examination, not self-flagellation. Acknowledge shadow without being consumed by it.

The Collective Grief Circle

Gather friends or community for shared mourning.

Process: Sit in circle on floor. Light candles in center. Each person shares a loss (personal or collective). Others witness without trying to fix. Read Lamentations together. Sit in silence. This recreates communal mourning in modern context.

The Afternoon Shift

Mincha: The Turning Point

Tisha B'Av afternoon marks subtle shift from pure mourning toward hope.

Traditional signs: Tefillin and tallit worn (usually morning garments). Haftarah reading speaks of comfort: "Comfort, comfort My people." People rise from floor to regular seating. This acknowledges that mourning, while necessary, must eventually give way to rebuilding.

Modern practice: After midday, shift focus slightly: From what was lost to what remains, from destruction to potential rebuilding, from despair to cautious hope. This doesn't negate grief but begins integration.

Breaking the Fast

The Meal of Consolation

When stars appear, the fast ends.

Traditional practice: Simple meal, often including: Round foods (eggs, lentils) symbolizing life's cycles, bread, water. Blessings of gratitude for food and survival. Quiet, reflective atmosphere.

Modern adaptation: Break fast mindfully. Eat slowly, savoring each bite. Reflect on the day's insights. Share meal with others if possible. This gentle return to normal life honors the transition.

Timing Your Rituals

Sunset (8th of Av): Fast begins, read Lamentations. Night: Deep grief work, shadow examination. Morning (9th of Av): Kinot, continued mourning. Midday: Shift begins, rise from floor. Afternoon: Hope emerges, comfort readings. Nightfall: Fast ends, gentle return.

Conclusion: Sacred Container for Grief

Tisha B'Av rituals create sacred container for grief that our culture often denies, permission to mourn without rushing to "move on," acknowledgment that some losses require ongoing remembrance, and space for shadow work and collective healing. Whether fasting, reading Lamentations, or sitting in darkness, these practices honor the truth that grief is sacred and necessary.

In the next article, we'll explore Tisha B'Av magic and spell work, focusing on grief transformation, shadow integration, and rebuilding manifestation.