Bullying and Internal Locus: Unshaken by Cruelty

BY NICOLE LAU

The Psychology of Internal Locus: Why Most Suffering is Optional - Module 3: Adolescent Internal Locus Building (Ages 13-18) - Part II: Relationships and Social

Bullying is cruel, harmful, and unfortunately common. One in five teenagers experiences bullying. And while bullying is never okay, never the victim's fault, never acceptable - how it affects you depends on your locus of worth. When your worth is external, bullying destroys you. When your worth is internal, bullying hurts but can't break you.

External locus makes you vulnerable to bullying's worst effects. If your worth depends on others' opinions, bullies' cruelty feels like truth. If your value depends on being liked, being targeted feels like proof you're worthless. This is how bullying creates lasting trauma - not just from the cruelty itself, but from the worth collapse it triggers.

But here's the profound truth: internal locus is armor against bullying. When your worth is inherent, bullies can't touch it. Their cruelty is about them, not you. Their attacks don't define your value. This doesn't make bullying okay - it's still wrong, still harmful, still needs to stop. But internal locus protects your core worth from being destroyed by cruelty.

External Locus and Bullying

When worth depends on others' opinions:

Bullying Feels Like Truth: They say I'm worthless. Maybe they're right. Cruelty becomes self-concept.

Worth Destroyed: If worth depends on being liked and bullies hate you, worth collapses completely.

Identity Shattered: Who am I if I'm the bullied kid? Identity becomes victimhood.

Internalize Cruelty: Bullies' words become your inner voice. Self-hatred develops.

Lasting Trauma: Bullying creates deep worth wounds that last into adulthood.

Mental Health Crisis: Depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation from worth destruction.

Internal Locus and Bullying

When worth is inherent:

Bullying Is Cruelty, Not Truth: They're being cruel. That's about them, not my worth.

Worth Intact: They can attack me, but they can't touch my inherent worth. I'm still valuable.

Identity Maintained: I'm not defined by being bullied. I know who I am.

Don't Internalize: Their cruelty doesn't become my self-concept. I know my worth.

Resilience: Bullying hurts but doesn't create lasting worth wounds. Can heal.

Mental Health Protected: Worth stays intact, reducing risk of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation.

Why People Bully

Understanding bullies:

Their Own Pain: Hurt people hurt people. Bullies are often in pain themselves.

Power and Control: Bullying is attempt to feel powerful when feeling powerless.

External Locus: Bullies often have external locus too. Trying to feel worthy by making others feel worthless.

Learned Behavior: Many bullies learned cruelty from being bullied or abused themselves.

Group Dynamics: Sometimes bullying is about fitting in, gaining status in peer group.

Not About You: Bullying is about bully's issues, not victim's worth. You're not being targeted because you're worthless - you're being targeted because they're hurting.

Building Internal Locus Against Bullying

How to protect worth from cruelty:

1. Know Your Worth: You're inherently valuable. Bullies' cruelty doesn't change that. Their opinions don't determine your worth.

2. Separate Cruelty from Truth: They're being cruel. That doesn't make it true. You know who you are.

3. Understand It's About Them: Bullying is about bully's pain, not your worth. You're not the problem.

4. Don't Internalize: Don't let their cruelty become your inner voice. Reject their narrative.

5. Maintain Identity: You're not "the bullied kid." You're you - complex, valuable, worthy.

6. Get Support: Tell adults, friends, counselor. You don't have to face this alone.

7. Take Action: Report bullying. Document it. Get help stopping it. You deserve safety.

When to Get Help

Bullying requires intervention:

Tell Adults: Parents, teachers, counselors, administrators. Bullying needs adult intervention.

Document Everything: Save messages, take screenshots, write down incidents. Evidence matters.

Report to School: Schools have anti-bullying policies. Use them. Demand action.

Legal Action if Needed: Severe bullying may require legal intervention. Protect yourself.

Therapy: Professional support helps process trauma, maintain worth, heal.

Safety First: If bullying involves threats, violence, get immediate help. Your safety matters most.

If You're Being Bullied

What to do:

It's Not Your Fault: You didn't cause this. You don't deserve this. This is about bully, not you.

Tell Someone: Don't suffer in silence. Tell trusted adult. Get help.

Don't Retaliate: Fighting back often makes it worse. Get adult help instead.

Stay Safe: Avoid bully when possible. Stay with friends. Don't be alone in vulnerable situations.

Protect Your Worth: Remember your inherent value. Bullying doesn't define you.

Find Support: Friends, family, counselor, support groups. You're not alone.

If Your Child Is Being Bullied

How parents can help:

Believe Them: Take it seriously. Don't dismiss as "kids being kids." Bullying is serious.

Affirm Worth: You're valuable. This bullying doesn't change that. You're not the problem.

Take Action: Contact school, document incidents, demand intervention. Protect your child.

Don't Blame: Never suggest they caused bullying or need to change. Bullying is never victim's fault.

Get Professional Help: Therapist can help process trauma, maintain worth, develop coping.

Consider School Change: If school won't stop bullying, changing schools may be necessary for safety.

Cyberbullying

Online cruelty:

Same Principles Apply: Internal locus protects against cyberbullying too. Worth isn't determined by online cruelty.

Document Everything: Screenshots, saved messages. Evidence for reporting.

Block and Report: Block bullies, report to platforms, report to school if involves classmates.

Limit Exposure: Take breaks from social media. Protect your mental health.

Don't Engage: Responding often escalates. Block, report, don't engage.

The Long-Term Gift

Teenagers who maintain internal locus through bullying become adults who:

Know their worth can't be destroyed by others' cruelty. Can handle criticism and attacks without worth collapsing. Don't internalize others' negativity. Build resilience through adversity. Help others who face bullying. Pass internal locus to their own children.

This is the gift. This is resilience. This is internal locus.

You Are Unshakeable

This is the message about bullying: Bullying is wrong. It's cruel. It's not okay. And it's not about you. You are inherently valuable. Bullies' cruelty doesn't change that. Their attacks can't touch your core worth. You are unshakeable. Get help. Tell adults. Take action to stop the bullying. But know this: your worth is intact. You are valuable. You are worthy. You are unbreakable. Cruelty cannot define you.

This is internal locus. This is resilience. This is unshaken worth.