Criticism and Internal Locus: Feedback Not Attack

BY NICOLE LAU

The Psychology of Internal Locus: Why Most Suffering is Optional - Module 4: Adult Internal Locus Development (18+) - Part I: Young Adult Period (18-30)

Someone criticized you. Your work, your idea, your appearance, your choice. And you feel attacked. Like this criticism proves you're not good enough. Like you're fundamentally flawed.

This is external locus in criticism. Your worth depends on others' approval. Criticism = worthless. Praise = valuable. You're terrified of criticism because it would mean you're not enough.

But here's the truth: Criticism is feedback, not attack on your worth. It's information about their perspective, not verdict on your value. Your worth isn't determined by others' opinions. This is internal locus in criticism.

The External Locus Criticism Pattern

Criticism as Worth Attack: They criticized you, so you're worthless. Praise = worthy. Criticism = unworthy. Your value depends on others' approval. This is external locus.

Defensiveness: You defend, justify, explain. You can't hear feedback because it feels like attack on your worth. This is external locus preventing growth.

Personalization: All criticism is about you being fundamentally flawed. You're not good enough. This is external locus creating shame.

Avoidance: You avoid situations where you might be criticized. You don't share work, don't take risks. This is external locus limiting life.

People-Pleasing: You contort yourself to avoid criticism. You're performing for approval. This is external locus stealing authenticity.

The Internal Locus Alternative

Criticism is Feedback: They're sharing their perspective. It's information, not attack. You can consider it without your worth being threatened. This is internal locus.

Worth Independent of Opinions: You're valuable whether they approve or criticize. Your worth isn't determined by others' opinions. You're inherently valuable. This is internal locus foundation.

Openness to Learning: You can hear feedback without defensiveness. You extract what's useful, discard what's not. This is internal locus in growth.

Discernment: You evaluate criticism. Is it valid? Is it useful? Is it from someone whose opinion matters? You decide what to do with it. This is internal locus in agency.

Authentic Expression: You're yourself. If they criticize, you consider it. But you don't change yourself just to avoid criticism. This is internal locus in authenticity.

Understanding Criticism

Criticism is Perspective: It's their view, their preferences, their standards. Not objective truth about your worth. This is internal locus truth.

Criticism is Information: It tells you about their needs, their expectations, their experience. It's data, not verdict. This is internal locus in learning.

Criticism Can Be Useful: Sometimes criticism helps you improve, see blind spots, grow. When it's constructive and from someone you trust. This is internal locus in growth.

Criticism Can Be Projection: Sometimes criticism is about them, not you. Their insecurity, their issues, their stuff. This is internal locus in discernment.

Criticism is Inevitable: You can't please everyone. If you're doing anything, someone will criticize. This is normal. This is internal locus in acceptance.

Building Internal Locus with Criticism

1. Separate Criticism from Worth: Practice: "They criticized this thing I did. They didn't attack my worth. I'm valuable whether they approve or criticize." This is internal locus foundation.

2. Pause Before Reacting: Don't defend immediately. Breathe. Consider. Is there truth here? Is this useful? This is internal locus in response.

3. Evaluate the Source: Who's criticizing? Do you trust them? Do they have expertise? Does their opinion matter to you? This is internal locus in discernment.

4. Extract What's Useful: Is there valid feedback here? Something to learn? Take what's useful, leave the rest. This is internal locus in learning.

5. Discard What's Not: If criticism is projection, unfair, or not useful - let it go. You don't have to accept all criticism. This is internal locus in boundaries.

6. Thank and Move On: "Thank you for the feedback." You don't have to defend or explain. You considered it. Now move on. This is internal locus in agency.

7. Practice Self-Compassion: Criticism can hurt even when you know your worth is intact. Be kind to yourself. This is internal locus in self-care.

Types of Criticism

Constructive Criticism: Specific, actionable, from someone who cares about your growth. Internal locus response: "This is useful feedback. I'll consider how to apply it. Thank you."

Destructive Criticism: Vague, personal attack, meant to hurt. Internal locus response: "This is about them, not me. I'll discard this. My worth is intact."

Unsolicited Criticism: You didn't ask for it. Internal locus response: "I didn't ask for this feedback. I can choose whether to consider it or not."

Projection: They're criticizing in you what they don't like in themselves. Internal locus response: "This is their stuff, not mine. I won't take this on."

Valid Feedback: Points out real issue you can address. Internal locus response: "This is accurate. I'll work on this. Thank you for pointing it out."

Handling Criticism in Different Contexts

At Work: Boss or colleague criticizes your work. Internal locus response: "Is this valid feedback? Can I improve? If yes, I'll adjust. If no, I'll let it go. My worth isn't my work performance."

In Relationships: Partner criticizes you. Internal locus response: "Is this about our relationship dynamic? Is there truth here? Can we communicate better? My worth isn't their approval."

From Family: Family member criticizes your choices. Internal locus response: "This is their preference, not my worth. I'm making choices that work for me. I don't need their approval."

Online: Internet stranger criticizes you. Internal locus response: "This person doesn't know me. Their opinion doesn't determine my worth. I'll discard this."

Creative Work: Someone criticizes your art, writing, creation. Internal locus response: "Art is subjective. This is their taste. My work has value. I'll keep creating."

When Criticism Triggers Deeper Issues

Childhood Wounds: If criticism triggers deep shame from childhood - this might be old wounds. Therapy helps heal these. This is internal locus in healing.

Perfectionism: If you can't tolerate any criticism - this might be perfectionism. Therapy helps. This is internal locus in mental health.

People-Pleasing: If you contort yourself to avoid all criticism - this is people-pleasing. You can heal this pattern. This is internal locus in recovery.

Low Self-Worth: If criticism confirms your belief that you're worthless - work on building internal locus of worth. Therapy helps. This is internal locus foundation.

Feedback Not Attack

This is the message for criticism: Criticism is feedback, not attack on your worth. It's their perspective, not verdict on your value. Your worth isn't determined by others' opinions.

You're valuable whether they approve or criticize. You can hear feedback without your worth being threatened. You can extract what's useful and discard what's not.

Be open to learning. Be discerning about sources. Be boundaried with destructive criticism. Be kind to yourself.

This is criticism with internal locus. This is feedback not attack. This is criticism liberation.