Parenting Support: Therapy, Coaching, Groups

BY NICOLE LAU

The Psychology of Internal Locus: Why Most Suffering is Optional - Part IV: Parental Self-Work

You cannot do this alone. Internal locus parenting - healing your own external locus, breaking generational patterns, setting boundaries, managing triggers, building your child's inherent worth - this is profound, difficult, ongoing work. You need support. Professional support. Peer support. Structured support.

Seeking support is not weakness. It's wisdom. It's not failure. It's strength. It's not admitting you're not enough. It's recognizing that being enough includes knowing when you need help. Internal locus means understanding that your worth doesn't depend on doing everything alone. You deserve support. You need support. Getting support is self-care, boundary-setting, and modeling healthy help-seeking for your child.

This article explores three main forms of parenting support: therapy, coaching, and support groups. Each serves different needs. Each has value. You might need one, two, or all three at different times. The question is not whether you need support - you do. The question is: what kind of support do you need right now?

Therapy: Healing Your Wounds

When you need therapy:

Childhood Trauma: Your own childhood wounds are affecting your parenting. You're repeating patterns, triggered constantly, can't break cycles.

Mental Health Conditions: Depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD affecting your ability to parent with presence and internal locus.

Chronic Shame or Guilt: Pervasive feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, being fundamentally broken.

Relationship Issues: Marriage or partnership struggles affecting family dynamics and your capacity to parent.

Grief and Loss: Processing loss - of person, relationship, dream, identity - that's impacting parenting.

Addiction: Substance use, behavioral addictions interfering with parenting.

Deep Pattern Work: Want to understand and heal root causes of your external locus, not just manage symptoms.

Types of Therapy for Parents

Different therapeutic approaches:

Individual Therapy: One-on-one work on your personal healing. Focus on your childhood, your patterns, your growth.

Couples or Family Therapy: Work on relationship dynamics, co-parenting alignment, family system patterns.

Parent-Child Therapy: Therapist works with you and your child together to heal relationship, improve attachment.

Trauma-Focused Therapy: EMDR, somatic experiencing, IFS for healing childhood trauma, PTSD.

CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for changing thought patterns, challenging external locus beliefs, behavioral change.

Psychodynamic Therapy: Understanding unconscious patterns, family of origin work, deep insight.

Attachment-Based Therapy: Healing attachment wounds, building secure attachment with your child.

Finding the Right Therapist

What to look for:

Specialization: Experience with parenting issues, childhood trauma, your specific concerns.

Approach: Therapeutic modality that resonates with you. Ask about their approach.

Fit: You feel safe, understood, not judged. Trust your gut. If it doesn't feel right, find someone else.

Credentials: Licensed therapist. Check credentials and reviews.

Logistics: Insurance, cost, location, availability, telehealth options work for you.

Cultural Competence: Understands your cultural background, identity, specific context.

Coaching: Strategic Support and Accountability

When you need coaching:

Specific Goals: You have clear parenting goals and need strategy, accountability, support to achieve them.

Skill Building: Want to learn specific parenting skills - communication, boundary-setting, emotional regulation.

Mindset Shifts: Need help shifting from external to internal locus, but don't need deep trauma work.

Accountability: You know what to do but need someone to keep you accountable to doing it.

Action-Oriented: You're ready to take action, implement changes, move forward - not just process past.

Time-Limited: Want focused support for specific period or specific issue, not ongoing therapy.

Therapy vs Coaching

Understanding the difference:

Therapy: Healing past wounds. Processing trauma. Treating mental health conditions. Deep emotional work. Licensed clinicians.

Coaching: Building future skills. Strategic planning. Accountability. Action-oriented. May not be licensed.

Therapy: "Why do I keep repeating this pattern? Let's heal the root cause."

Coaching: "I want to stop this pattern. What's my action plan?"

Both Are Valuable: You might need therapy for healing and coaching for implementation. Not either or.

Support Groups: Peer Connection and Shared Experience

When you need support groups:

Isolation: You feel alone in your struggles. Need to know others experience this too.

Normalization: Need to hear that your challenges are normal, not signs you're uniquely broken.

Practical Tips: Want to learn from other parents' real experiences, strategies that worked.

Belonging: Need community of people who get it, who share your values, who support you.

Affordability: Many support groups are free or low-cost. More accessible than therapy or coaching.

Ongoing Support: Want regular, consistent community support, not just one-on-one professional help.

Types of Support Groups

Different group formats:

Therapist-Led Groups: Professional facilitator, structured curriculum, therapeutic focus. Often time-limited.

Peer-Led Groups: Parents supporting each other, no professional facilitator. Ongoing, informal.

Online Groups: Forums, social media groups, virtual meetings. Accessible, anonymous option.

In-Person Groups: Local meetups, community centers, churches. Face-to-face connection.

Issue-Specific Groups: Single parents, parents of special needs kids, adoptive parents.

Approach-Specific Groups: Gentle parenting, attachment parenting, conscious parenting communities.

Finding Support Groups

Where to look:

Therapist Referrals: Ask your therapist if they run groups or can recommend ones.

Community Centers: Libraries, community centers, hospitals often host parenting groups.

Faith Communities: Churches, temples, mosques may have parenting support groups.

Schools: Some schools offer parent support groups, especially for parents of kids with challenges.

Online Platforms: Facebook groups, Reddit communities, parenting forums, virtual support groups.

Parenting Organizations: Attachment Parenting International, Hand in Hand Parenting, and others.

Combining Support Types

You might need multiple forms:

Therapy Plus Support Group: Therapy for deep healing, group for ongoing peer support and normalization.

Therapy Plus Coaching: Therapy for trauma work, coaching for implementing new parenting strategies.

Coaching Plus Support Group: Coaching for accountability and skills, group for community and belonging.

All Three: Therapy for healing, coaching for strategy, group for community. Comprehensive support system.

Overcoming Barriers to Seeking Support

Common obstacles and solutions:

"I can't afford it": Sliding scale therapy, insurance coverage, free support groups, online resources, community mental health centers.

"I don't have time": Telehealth therapy, online groups, micro-sessions, prioritize it as essential not optional.

"It means I'm failing": Reframe: seeking support is strength, wisdom, self-care. It's internal locus - knowing your worth includes knowing when you need help.

"I should be able to handle this alone": No one does this alone. Humans need community. Asking for help is human.

"What will people think?": Your child's wellbeing and your mental health matter more than others' opinions. This is boundary work.

"I don't know where to start": Start anywhere. One Google search. One phone call. One group meeting. Just start.

What to Expect from Support

Realistic expectations:

It Takes Time: Healing, growth, change don't happen overnight. Commit to process, not quick fix.

It's Not Linear: Progress isn't straight line. You'll have setbacks. That's normal.

You'll Feel Worse Before Better: Therapy especially can bring up painful stuff. That's part of healing.

You Have to Do the Work: Support provides tools, guidance, community. You still have to implement, practice, change.

It's Worth It: The investment of time, money, energy pays off in your healing, your parenting, your child's wellbeing.

Teaching Your Child About Seeking Support

Model healthy help-seeking:

"I'm going to therapy because I'm working on being my best self. Everyone needs support sometimes."

"I'm in a parenting group with other parents. We help each other. Community is important."

"I have a coach who helps me with parenting strategies. Asking for help is smart, not weak."

"When you're struggling, it's okay to ask for help. That's what I'm doing too."

"Taking care of mental health is just as important as physical health. I'm taking care of mine."

The Gift of Support

When you get support:

You Heal Faster: Professional guidance accelerates healing that might take years alone

You're Less Alone: Community breaks isolation, normalizes struggles

You Learn Skills: Practical tools for parenting, emotional regulation, boundary-setting

You Model Help-Seeking: Your child learns asking for help is strength

You're More Sustainable: Support prevents burnout, enables long-term internal locus parenting

You're Investing in Generations: Your healing affects your child, their children, family line

You Deserve Support

You deserve professional help. You deserve peer support. You deserve community. You deserve guidance, healing, accountability, belonging. Not because you've earned it through perfect parenting. Because you're human doing difficult, important work.

Seeking support is not weakness. It's wisdom. It's not failure. It's courage. It's not admitting you're not enough. It's recognizing that being enough includes knowing when you need help.

Get the support. Find your therapist. Join the group. Hire the coach. Invest in your healing. You're worth it. Your child is worth it. Your family is worth it.

This is support. This is community. This is how we heal together.