Respecting Baby's Signals: Honoring Their Communication

BY NICOLE LAU

Childhood Internal Locus Building: Ages 0-12

Babies communicate constantly - through cries, body language, facial expressions, sounds. When you respect these signals, read them attentively, and respond appropriately, you teach baby "my communication matters, my needs are important, I can trust my own experience." This builds self-trust - the foundation of internal locus. When signals are ignored or dismissed, baby learns "my experience doesn't matter" - the foundation of external locus.

Why Respecting Signals Matters

Builds Self-Trust: When signals are honored, baby learns to trust their own experience. "When I feel hungry and signal it, I get fed. My internal experience is reliable."

Validates Communication: Baby learns their communication is effective. "My signals work. I can express my needs and they'll be understood."

Creates Body Awareness: Baby stays connected to their body's signals. They learn to trust their sensations, feelings, needs.

Builds Internal Locus: "My experience matters. My needs are important. I can trust myself." This is the foundation of internal locus.

Types of Baby Signals

1. Hunger Cues

Early: Rooting, sucking on hands, smacking lips, turning toward breast/bottle

Active: Fussing, moving around, bringing hands to mouth

Late: Crying (this is the last signal - try to respond before this)

How to Honor: Feed when you see early cues. Don't wait for crying. Trust baby knows when they're hungry.

2. Tiredness Cues

Early: Yawning, rubbing eyes, looking away, quieting down

Active: Fussing, jerky movements, arching back

Late: Crying, very fussy (overtired - harder to settle)

How to Honor: Help baby sleep when you see early cues. Don't push through tiredness.

3. Overstimulation Cues

Signals: Turning away, closing eyes, fussing, arching back, crying, hiccupping

How to Honor: Reduce stimulation. Move to quiet space. Respect baby's need for calm.

4. Comfort/Connection Needs

Signals: Crying, reaching for you, looking at you, calming when held

How to Honor: Provide comfort. Hold baby. Respond to their need for connection.

5. Discomfort Cues

Signals: Squirming, grimacing, crying, pulling legs up (gas), specific cry patterns

How to Honor: Check for wet diaper, gas, temperature, clothing comfort. Address the discomfort.

How to Read Signals

1. Observe Attentively: Watch baby's body language, facial expressions, sounds. Learn their unique patterns.

2. Learn Individual Patterns: Each baby is unique. Your baby's hunger cry may sound different from tiredness cry. Learn their language.

3. Respond Promptly: When you see a signal, respond. Don't ignore or dismiss it.

4. Check Your Response: Did your response meet the need? If baby calms, you read correctly. If not, try something else.

5. Trust Baby: Baby knows their own needs. Trust their signals even if they don't match a schedule or expectation.

What Disrespecting Signals Looks Like

Ignoring Cues: Baby shows hunger cues but you wait for "scheduled" feeding time. Teaches: "My signals don't matter."

Dismissing Needs: "You can't be hungry, you just ate." Teaches: "I can't trust my own experience."

Forcing Through Tiredness: Baby shows tired cues but you keep them awake for activity. Teaches: "My needs don't matter."

Ignoring Overstimulation: Baby turns away but you keep engaging. Teaches: "My boundaries don't matter."

Letting Cry Without Response: Baby cries but you don't come. Teaches: "My distress doesn't matter. I'm alone."

Practical Signal Honoring

Feeding:

- Feed on cue, not schedule

- Watch for early hunger signals

- Trust baby knows when they're hungry/full

- Don't force feeding when baby signals done

Sleep:

- Watch for tiredness cues

- Help baby sleep when they signal tired

- Don't keep baby awake when they need rest

- Respect individual sleep needs

Play:

- Engage when baby signals interest

- Stop when baby signals overstimulation

- Follow baby's lead

- Respect their pace

Comfort:

- Respond to cries promptly

- Provide comfort when signaled

- Don't dismiss need for connection

- Trust baby's need for you

When You Misread Signals

You will misread sometimes. This is normal:

Stay Calm: It's okay. You're learning baby's language.

Try Again: If first response doesn't work, try something else.

Keep Trying: Baby knows you're trying to understand. Your effort matters.

Learn Patterns: Over time, you'll get better at reading your baby's unique signals.

The Bottom Line

Respect your baby's signals. Read them attentively. Respond appropriately. This teaches baby their communication matters, their needs are important, they can trust their own experience. This builds self-trust - the foundation of internal locus. Your baby is communicating constantly. Honor that communication. It's how they learn to trust themselves.

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Next: Gentle Touch and Presence - Somatic Worth Building

Childhood Internal Locus Building series: Practical guidance for raising children with inherent worth.

— Nicole Lau, 2026