Relationship Patterns Tarot Spread

BY NICOLE LAU

Relationship patterns are the unconscious cycles we repeat in our connections with others—choosing the same type of partner, experiencing the same conflicts, or recreating the same dynamics over and over. These patterns, often rooted in childhood wounds or past trauma, operate beneath conscious awareness, drawing us into familiar (even if painful) relationship experiences. The Relationship Patterns Tarot Spread is designed to help you identify these repeating cycles, understand their origins and purpose, and break free to create healthier, more conscious relationships.

This guide teaches you to use tarot to recognize relationship patterns, heal the wounds that drive them, and create new, healthier ways of relating.

Understanding Relationship Patterns

Relationship patterns are unconscious templates that determine who you attract, how you relate, and what dynamics you recreate.

Common Relationship Patterns:
• Choosing emotionally unavailable partners
• Recreating parent-child dynamics
• Pursuing those who pull away
• Sabotaging when things get good
• Attracting narcissists or codependents
• Repeating abandonment or betrayal
• People-pleasing and losing yourself

Why Patterns Repeat: Unhealed wounds, familiar = safe (even if painful), unconscious attempt to heal the past, attachment styles, family of origin dynamics

The Relationship Patterns Tarot Spread

This eight-card spread is arranged to identify and heal relationship patterns.

Position 1: Repeating Pattern - What Cycles

This card reveals what pattern keeps repeating. It shows:

• The repeating pattern
• What cycles
• The familiar dynamic
• What keeps happening

This position shows the pattern.

Position 2: Pattern Origin - Where It Started

This card shows where the pattern originated. It shows:

• Pattern origin
• Where it started
• Childhood wound or experience
• The source

This position shows the origin.

Position 3: Your Role - What You Do

This card reveals your role in the pattern. It shows:

• Your role
• What you do
• How you participate
• Your part

This position shows your role.

Position 4: What You Attract - Who You Draw

This card shows what type of person you attract. It shows:

• Who you attract
• Type of partner you draw
• What they represent
• The mirror

This position shows attraction.

Position 5: Unhealed Wound - What Drives It

This card reveals what unhealed wound drives the pattern. It shows:

• Unhealed wound
• What drives the pattern
• Core pain
• The wound

This position shows the wound.

Position 6: Pattern Purpose - What It Teaches

This card shows what the pattern is trying to teach you. It shows:

• Pattern purpose
• What it teaches
• The lesson
• Growth opportunity

This position shows purpose.

Position 7: Breaking the Cycle - How to Heal

This card reveals how to break the pattern. It shows:

• How to break the cycle
• Healing path
• What to do differently
• The shift

This position shows healing.

Position 8: Healthy Pattern - New Way

This card shows what healthy relating looks like. It shows:

• Healthy pattern
• New way of relating
• Conscious relationship
• The goal

This position shows the new pattern.

Reading Relationship Patterns Spreads

Pattern and Origin

Positions 1 (Repeating Pattern) and 2 (Pattern Origin) work together—understanding where it started helps you see it's not destiny.

Role and Attraction

Positions 3 (Your Role) and 4 (What You Attract) show the dynamic—you attract what matches your role.

Wound and Purpose

Positions 5 (Unhealed Wound) and 6 (Pattern Purpose) reveal why the pattern exists—it's trying to heal the wound.

Common Relationship Patterns Spread Patterns

Pattern 1: Chasing the Unavailable

Example Spread:
1-Pattern: Two of Cups reversed (connection that doesn't happen)
2-Origin: The Tower (abandonment in childhood)
3-Your Role: Knight of Cups (pursuing, chasing)
4-Attract: The Hermit (emotionally unavailable)
5-Wound: Five of Pentacles (abandonment wound)
6-Purpose: The Lovers (learn to choose yourself)
7-Breaking: Temperance (balance pursuit and self-love)
8-Healthy: Two of Cups (mutual, available love)

Reading: Your pattern is Two of Cups reversed—pursuing connection that doesn't happen. It originated from The Tower childhood abandonment. Your role is Knight of Cups—you chase and pursue. You attract The Hermit emotionally unavailable people. The wound is Five of Pentacles abandonment. The purpose is The Lovers—learn to choose yourself first. Break it through Temperance—balance pursuit with self-love. Healthy pattern is Two of Cups mutual love. Stop chasing. Choose available partners.

Pattern 2: Losing Yourself

Example Spread:
1-Pattern: The Hanged Man (sacrificing yourself)
2-Origin: Six of Cups (childhood people-pleasing)
3-Your Role: Queen of Cups reversed (over-giving)
4-Attract: The Emperor (controlling partners)
5-Wound: Three of Swords (fear of rejection)
6-Purpose: Strength (reclaim gentle power)
7-Breaking: The Empress (nurture yourself first)
8-Healthy: Justice (balanced give and take)

Reading: Your pattern is Hanged Man—sacrificing yourself in relationships. It originated from Six of Cups childhood people-pleasing. Your role is Queen of Cups reversed—over-giving. You attract The Emperor controlling partners. The wound is Three of Swords fear of rejection. The purpose is Strength—reclaim your gentle power. Break it through Empress—nurture yourself first. Healthy pattern is Justice balanced exchange. Stop losing yourself. Maintain boundaries.

Pattern 3: Sabotaging Success

Example Spread:
1-Pattern: The Tower (destroying good relationships)
2-Origin: The Devil (toxic family dynamics)
3-Your Role: Five of Swords (creating conflict)
4-Attract: Nine of Cups (good partners you sabotage)
5-Wound: Eight of Swords (unworthiness)
6-Purpose: The Star (you deserve good love)
7-Breaking: Death (let the unworthiness die)
8-Healthy: Ten of Cups (lasting love)

Reading: Your pattern is The Tower—you destroy good relationships. It originated from The Devil toxic family dynamics. Your role is Five of Swords—you create conflict. You attract Nine of Cups good partners, then sabotage. The wound is Eight of Swords unworthiness. The purpose is The Star—you DO deserve good love. Break it through Death—let unworthiness die. Healthy pattern is Ten of Cups lasting love. You deserve good relationships. Stop sabotaging.

Relationship Patterns Ritual Practice

Creating Pattern Healing Sacred Space

1. Altar: Rose quartz, photos of past partners, journal, pink candles
2. Colors: Rose (healing), silver (reflection), gold (transformation)
3. Crystals: Rose quartz (heart healing), rhodonite (patterns), malachite (transformation), clear quartz (clarity)
4. Herbs: Rose (love), lavender (healing), rosemary (clarity)

The Reading Process

1. Reflect: What pattern keeps repeating in your relationships?
2. Shuffle: Ask "What relationship pattern do I need to heal?"
3. Pull: Draw eight cards
4. Acknowledge: Own your role (Position 3) without shame
5. Heal: Based on Position 7, commit to breaking the cycle
6. Envision: Based on Position 8, imagine healthy relating

Pattern Breaking Practices

Pattern Awareness:
• Notice when the pattern is activating
• Pause before reacting
• Choose differently
• Celebrate small shifts

Wound Healing:
• Based on Position 5, work on healing the wound
• Therapy, inner child work, or somatic healing
• Give yourself what you didn't receive
• Reparent the wounded part

Conscious Choice:
• Based on Position 8, choose differently
• Date people who are available, kind, consistent
• Notice red flags early
• Trust your intuition

Case Study: Complete Relationship Patterns Reading

Question: "What relationship pattern do I need to heal?"

The Spread:
1-Pattern: The Hermit reversed
2-Origin: Five of Pentacles
3-Your Role: Page of Cups
4-Attract: King of Swords
5-Wound: The Tower
6-Purpose: Queen of Cups
7-Breaking: Strength
8-Healthy: Two of Cups

Interpretation:

Your pattern is Hermit reversed—you abandon yourself in relationships, losing your identity. It originated from Five of Pentacles—childhood emotional neglect. Your role is Page of Cups—you're emotionally open but immature, seeking validation. You attract King of Swords—emotionally distant, intellectual partners. The wound is The Tower—abandonment or family disruption. The purpose is Queen of Cups—develop emotional maturity and self-sufficiency. Break it through Strength—be gentle but firm with yourself. Healthy pattern is Two of Cups—mutual, emotionally available love.

Pattern Healing:
• Pattern: Stop abandoning yourself (Hermit reversed)
• Origin: Heal Five of Pentacles neglect wound
• Your Role: Mature from Page to Queen of Cups
• Attraction: Stop choosing King of Swords unavailable types
• Wound: Heal The Tower abandonment
• Purpose: Become Queen of Cups—emotionally mature
• Breaking: Practice Strength—gentle self-love
• Healthy: Choose Two of Cups mutual love

Practice Exercise: Pattern Breaking Journey

Pull the Relationship Patterns Spread, then commit to healing:

1. Pull: Draw the eight-card Relationship Patterns Spread
2. Identify: What pattern repeats (Position 1)?
3. Understand: Where did it start (Position 2)?
4. Own: What's your role (Position 3)?
5. Notice: Who do you attract (Position 4)?
6. Heal: What wound drives it (Position 5)?
7. Learn: What's the lesson (Position 6)?
8. Break: How to heal (Position 7)?
9. Create: What's healthy (Position 8)?
10. Commit: Choose differently in your next relationship

The Freedom of Conscious Relating

The Relationship Patterns Tarot Spread teaches you that you're not doomed to repeat the past. Patterns are unconscious, but once you make them conscious, you can choose differently. When you heal the wound driving the pattern, you stop attracting the same dynamics.

This spread reveals your patterns and shows you how to break them. It's vulnerable work—be compassionate with yourself.

Use this spread when you notice the same relationship issues repeating, when you're ready to break the cycle, or when you want to create healthier connections. You can choose differently. You deserve healthy love.

Break the pattern. Choose conscious love.