ADHD and Internal Locus: Worth Beyond Focus

BY NICOLE LAU

Childhood Internal Locus Building: Ages 0-12

Worth doesn't depend on ability to focus. This is internal locus applied to ADHD and neurodivergence. When children with ADHD know they're valuable regardless of attention, executive function, or ability to sit still - when neurodivergence is difference not deficit - they develop internal locus and self-acceptance. When worth depends on focusing like neurotypical children, they develop external locus, shame, and lost authenticity. Your job is to teach: "Your brain works differently. That's okay. You're valuable exactly as you are. Worth doesn't depend on focus."

Why Focus-Based Worth Creates External Locus

Worth = Neurotypical Performance: "I'm only valuable if I focus/sit still/conform." Worth depends on being neurotypical. External locus.

Shame About ADHD: "Something's wrong with me." ADHD becomes source of shame. External locus.

Deficit Focus: "I'm broken/less than." Seeing only deficits, not strengths. External locus.

Conditional Acceptance: "I'm accepted when I act neurotypical." Masking required for worth. External locus.

How to Build Internal Locus with ADHD

1. Worth Beyond Focus

What to Teach:

- "Your worth doesn't depend on your ability to focus"

- "You're valuable with ADHD, not despite it"

- "Different brain, not broken brain"

- "You're enough exactly as you are"

Why: Explicit separation prevents worth-focus fusion. Internal locus.

2. Celebrate ADHD Strengths

What to Notice:

- Creativity and out-of-box thinking

- Passion and intensity when interested

- Energy and enthusiasm

- Ability to hyperfocus on interests

- Spontaneity and fun

Why: Strength focus builds internal locus. Deficit focus creates external locus.

3. Accommodations Without Shame

What to Provide:

- Movement breaks

- Fidget tools

- Shorter work periods

- Visual schedules

- Medication if appropriate

- Whatever helps them thrive

Frame as: "Your brain needs different support. That's okay. Not shameful."

Why: Accommodations without shame build internal locus.

4. No Comparison to Neurotypical

What to Avoid:

- "Why can't you focus like [other child]?"

- "Everyone else can sit still"

- "You should be able to do this"

What to Say:

- "Your brain works differently. That's okay."

- "You're you, they're them. Both valuable."

- "Different, not less."

Why: Comparison to neurotypical creates external locus. Acceptance creates internal locus.

5. Model Neurodivergent Acceptance

What to Show:

- ADHD is not shameful

- Neurodivergence is valuable

- Different brains are equally worthy

- Accommodations are normal and good

Why: Children learn from what you do. Model acceptance and internal locus.

What NOT to Do

Don't Shame ADHD: "What's wrong with you?" "Why can't you be normal?" Creates shame and external locus.

Don't Make Worth Conditional: "I love you when you focus." Makes worth depend on neurotypical performance.

Don't Only See Deficits: ADHD has strengths. See the whole child.

Don't Force Masking: "Act normal." "Hide your ADHD." Prevents authenticity. External locus.

The Bottom Line

Build internal locus with ADHD. Worth beyond focus, celebrate ADHD strengths, accommodations without shame, no comparison to neurotypical, model neurodivergent acceptance. ADHD doesn't diminish worth. Different brain, not broken brain. Your child with ADHD is valuable exactly as they are. Worth doesn't depend on ability to focus, sit still, or conform to neurotypical standards. This is internal locus for neurodivergent children.

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Next: Learning Disabilities and Internal Locus - Worth Beyond Grades

Childhood Internal Locus Building series: Practical guidance for raising children with inherent worth.

— Nicole Lau, 2026