Loss and Grief and Internal Locus: Holding Sorrow in Worth

BY NICOLE LAU

The Psychology of Internal Locus: Why Most Suffering is Optional - Module 4: Adult Internal Locus Development (18+) - Part II: Midlife Period (30-50)

You've experienced loss. Death. Divorce. Job loss. Health loss. Relationship ending. And you feel like you're broken. Like you're worthless because you're grieving. Like you should be over it by now. Like your grief makes you less than. Like you're failing at life because you're sad.

This is external locus in grief. Your worth depends on being okay. Happy = valuable. Grieving = broken = worthless. You're measuring yourself against productivity and positivity standards. You're ashamed of your sorrow.

But here's the truth: Your worth isn't your emotional state. You can grieve AND be whole. Grief is love. Your sorrow doesn't diminish your inherent worth. This is internal locus in grief. This is Light Path in loss - joy can hold grief, not replace it. You're attracted to honoring your love through grief, not repelled by sorrow. You embody wholeness that contains grief.

The External Locus Grief Pattern

Worth Tied to Being Okay: You're worthy if you're okay. Grieving = broken = worthless. Your value depends on emotional state. This is external locus creating suffering.

Shame About Grief: You're ashamed of grieving. You should be over it. You're taking too long. This is external locus creating hiding.

Rushing Grief: You rush through grief. You need to be productive. You can't afford to grieve. This is external locus creating suppression.

Comparison to Others: Others have moved on. You're stuck. You're failing at grief. This is external locus creating inadequacy.

Grief as Weakness: Grief means you're weak. You should be strong. You're failing. This is external locus creating self-judgment.

The Internal Locus Alternative

Worth Independent of Emotion: You're valuable whether grieving or not. Your worth isn't your emotional state. This is internal locus foundation.

No Shame: Grief is natural. It's love. It's not shameful. You're not broken. This is internal locus in truth.

Honoring Grief: You honor your grief. You give it time. You give it space. This is internal locus in care.

Your Timeline: Your grief is yours. Your timeline is yours. Not comparing. This is internal locus in authenticity.

Grief as Strength: Grieving is strength. It's love. It's courage. This is internal locus in reframe.

Light Path in Grief

The Light Path transforms grief - not by replacing sorrow with joy, but by holding both (Light Path vs Darkness Path):

Joy Holds Grief: Joy can hold grief (Light Path). Not replace it. Not bypass it. Hold it. You can grieve AND find moments of joy. Light as container - this is the core teaching. Your capacity for joy isn't destroyed by grief. Joy is large enough to contain sorrow.

Honoring Love Through Grief: You're grieving because you loved (Light Path). Grief is love's continuation. You're attracted to honoring that love through your sorrow. Not running from grief (Darkness Path). This is Light Path - moving toward love, even in form of grief.

Moments of Light in Darkness: You notice moments of beauty, connection, meaning even while grieving (Light Path). Not waiting for grief to end to notice good (Darkness Path). Small joys. Moments of grace. Light exists alongside darkness.

Embodied Wholeness in Grief: You feel wholeness in your body even while grieving. You're not broken. You're whole person experiencing grief. This is Light Path - expansion of wholeness to include all emotions.

Grief as Sacred: Your grief is sacred. It's honoring what mattered. This is beautiful. This is Light Path - attraction to sacredness of grief, not only repulsion from pain.

Building Internal Locus in Grief

1. Separate Worth from Emotion: Practice: "My worth isn't my emotional state. I'm valuable whether grieving or not. Grief doesn't make me broken."

2. Honor Your Grief: Give grief time. Give it space. Don't rush. This is loving yourself. This is Light Path - honoring what's real.

3. Release Shame: Grief isn't shameful. It's love. It's natural. You're not broken. You're grieving.

4. Hold Grief in Joy: You can grieve AND find moments of joy. Joy holds grief. Both are real. This is Light Path - the container.

5. Notice Moments of Light: Even while grieving, notice beauty. Connection. Meaning. Small joys. This is Light Path - light exists alongside darkness.

6. Grieve as Love: You're grieving because you loved. This is continuation of love. This is sacred. This is Light Path - honoring love.

7. Embody Wholeness: Feel wholeness in your body. You're whole. Grief doesn't break you. You contain grief. This is Light Path embodiment.

Common Grief Challenges

Prolonged Grief: Internal locus response: "I'm still grieving. There's no timeline. I'm honoring my loss. I'm not broken. My worth isn't being over it. Light Path - joy holds my grief. I'm whole."

Shame About Crying: Internal locus response: "I'm ashamed of crying. This is external locus. Tears are love. Grief is natural. I'm not weak. I'm grieving because I loved."

Productivity Pressure: Internal locus response: "I feel pressure to be productive. I need time to grieve. This is necessary. My worth isn't my productivity. I'm honoring my loss."

Waves of Grief: Internal locus response: "Grief comes in waves. This is normal. I thought I was okay, now I'm not. This is grief. I'm allowing it. Light Path - joy holds these waves."

Finding Joy: Internal locus response: "I feel guilty finding joy. I can grieve AND find joy. Joy doesn't dishonor my loss. Joy holds grief. Both are real. Light Path - this is the teaching."

Holding Sorrow in Worth

You're Whole: Even grieving. You're not broken. You're whole person experiencing grief.

Grief is Love: You're grieving because you loved. This is beautiful. This is sacred.

No Timeline: Your grief is yours. Your timeline is yours. There's no should.

Joy Holds Grief: You can grieve AND find joy. Joy is large enough to contain sorrow. This is Light Path.

You're Worthy: Of time. Of space. Of compassion. Of grief. You're worthy. Always.

Holding Sorrow in Worth

This is the message for grief: Your worth isn't your emotional state. You can grieve AND be whole. Grief is love. Your sorrow doesn't diminish your inherent worth.

This is Light Path in grief - joy can hold grief. You honor your love through grief. You notice moments of light in darkness. You embody wholeness in grief. Your grief is sacred.

Honor your grief. Release shame. Hold grief in joy. Notice moments of light. Grieve as love. Embody wholeness.

This is grief with internal locus. This is Light Path in loss. This is holding sorrow in worth.