Solitude as Spiritual Mastery: The Advanced Practice

BY NICOLE LAU

Choosing Aloneness is Mastery, Not Avoidance

"Isn't solitude just spiritual bypassing?"

"Aren't you avoiding intimacy?"

"Don't you need others to grow?"

These are the questions solitary practitioners face.

The assumption:

• Solitude = avoidance
• Community = growth
• Alone = immature
• Together = mature

This is backwards.

Solitude is not the beginner's path.

Solitude is advanced practice.

This article explores:

• Why solitude is spiritual mastery
• The difference between avoidance and choice
• Deep solitude practices
• Complete internal locus
• Why choosing aloneness is strength

Because being alone is easy.

Being happily alone is mastery.

I. Solitude as Advanced Practice

A. Why Solitude is Hard

Most people can't be alone because:

• They're uncomfortable with themselves
• They need external validation
• They're running from internal pain
• They depend on others for worth
• External locus of value

Solitude forces you to face:

• Yourself, unmediated
• Your thoughts, unfiltered
• Your pain, unavoidable
• Your worth, self-generated

This is why most people avoid it.

B. The Progression

Beginner:

• Can't be alone
• Needs constant stimulation
• Dependent on others
• External locus

Intermediate:

• Can be alone sometimes
• Building self-sufficiency
• Developing internal resources
• Shifting to internal locus

Advanced:

• Thrives in solitude
• Completely self-sufficient
• Chooses aloneness from strength
• Full internal locus

Solitude is the test of mastery.

C. Historical Precedents

Masters who practiced deep solitude:

• Buddha: 6 years alone before awakening
• Jesus: 40 days in wilderness
• Desert Fathers/Mothers: Years in caves
• Ramana Maharshi: Decades of silence
• Milarepa: Years in mountain caves
• Countless yogis, hermits, mystics

They didn't avoid people. They mastered themselves.

II. Avoidance vs Choice

A. Avoidance: Fear-Based

Solitude as avoidance:

• Running from intimacy
• Hiding from pain
• Fear of vulnerability
• Rigid, defensive
• Lonely, not alone

Signs of avoidance:

• Can't connect even when you want to
• Panic at thought of intimacy
• Using solitude to escape
• Feeling lonely, empty
• Rigid refusal of all connection

This is not mastery. This is fear.

B. Choice: Strength-Based

Solitude as choice:

• Choosing from wholeness
• Facing yourself fully
• Comfortable with vulnerability
• Flexible, open
• Alone, not lonely

Signs of choice:

• Can connect when you choose to
• Peaceful in solitude
• Using solitude to deepen
• Feeling complete, full
• Flexible, can do both

This is mastery. This is strength.

C. The Test

Ask yourself:

• Can I connect deeply when I choose to?
• Or am I rigidly avoiding all intimacy?
• Do I feel peaceful or fearful in solitude?
• Am I choosing or hiding?

Honest self-inquiry reveals the truth.

III. Deep Solitude Practices

A. Extended Solo Retreat

Week-long (or longer) solitude:

Preparation:

• Choose location (cabin, hermitage, nature)
• Minimal supplies
• No phone, no internet
• Tell someone where you are (safety)

Structure:

• Days 1-2: Adjustment, restlessness
• Days 3-4: Deepening, emotions arising
• Days 5-7: Profound stillness, clarity

Practice:

• Meditation, movement, journaling
• Silence (no talking, even to self)
• Nature immersion
• Minimal eating (fasting optional)
• Deep rest

This is advanced practice. Build up to it.

B. Vision Quest

Indigenous practice, adapted:

• 3-4 days alone in nature
• Fasting (water only)
• No shelter (or minimal)
• Seeking vision, clarity, purpose
• Facing yourself completely

This is intense. Requires preparation and support.

But: Profound transformation possible.

C. Hermitage Living

Extended solitary living:

• Months or years alone
• Minimal human contact
• Deep practice
• Complete self-sufficiency

Examples:

• Monastery hermitages
• Mountain caves
• Forest cabins
• Desert dwellings

This is rare, but some are called to it.

D. Daily Deep Solitude

Even without retreat, you can practice:

• 2-4 hours daily in complete solitude
• No phone, no input
• Just you and practice
• Meditation, movement, silence
• Building capacity for aloneness

This is sustainable long-term practice.

IV. Complete Internal Locus

A. What Complete Internal Locus Means

Complete internal locus:

• Your worth comes entirely from within
• No external validation needed
• No dependency on others
• Completely self-sufficient joy
• Autonomous

This is the goal of Theory 2 (Internal Locus Psychology).

B. How Solitude Builds It

In deep solitude:

• No one to validate you
• No one to give you worth
• No one to make you happy
• Must generate all from within

This forces internal locus development:

• You learn to validate yourself
• You discover inherent worth
• You generate your own joy
• You become autonomous

Solitude is the crucible for internal locus.

C. The Freedom

With complete internal locus:

• No one can take your happiness
• No one can make you feel worthless
• You're invulnerable to external opinion
• You're free

This is liberation.

V. Why Choosing Aloneness is Strength

A. The Cultural Narrative

Society says:

• Being alone = lonely, sad, failed
• Being coupled = successful, happy
• Community = healthy
• Solitude = unhealthy

This creates pressure to:

• Find a partner
• Have lots of friends
• Be social
• Never be alone

B. The Truth

Choosing aloneness when you could have connection:

• This is strength
• This is knowing yourself
• This is honoring your path
• This is courage

It's easy to:

• Follow the crowd
• Do what's expected
• Seek constant connection

It's hard to:

• Stand alone
• Go against cultural norms
• Choose solitude

Choosing the hard path is strength.

C. The Paradox

Paradox:

• When you're complete alone
• You're free to connect
• From wholeness, not need
• This creates healthy relationships

But you must master aloneness first.

VI. What Solitude Teaches

A. Self-Knowledge

In solitude, you learn:

• Who you really are
• What you truly want
• Your authentic voice
• Your deepest nature

No external influence to distort.

B. Self-Sufficiency

In solitude, you develop:

• Ability to be happy alone
• Generate your own joy
• Validate yourself
• Complete autonomy

No dependency on others.

C. Depth

In solitude, you access:

• Profound stillness
• Deep insight
• Clarity impossible in noise
• Connection to source

Depth requires silence.

D. Freedom

In solitude, you discover:

• You don't need anyone
• You're complete
• You're free
• Liberation

This is the ultimate teaching.

VII. When to Choose Solitude

A. Life Transitions

Solitude is powerful during:

• After breakup/divorce
• Career change
• Loss/grief
• Major life shift
• Identity reformation

Solitude provides space to integrate.

B. Spiritual Deepening

When you need:

• Profound practice
• Deep insight
• Breakthrough
• Transformation

Solitude accelerates spiritual growth.

C. Healing

When healing from:

• Codependency
• People-pleasing
• External validation addiction
• Enmeshment

Solitude is medicine.

D. Simply Because

You don't need a reason.

• You can choose solitude simply because you want to
• This is valid
• No justification needed

Your choice is enough.

VIII. Practical Guidance

A. Building Capacity

Start small, build gradually:

1. Hours: 2-4 hours alone daily
2. Days: Full day alone weekly
3. Weekends: 2-3 days alone monthly
4. Weeks: Week-long retreat annually
5. Months: Extended hermitage (if called)

Don't rush. Build capacity over time.

B. What to Do

In solitude:

• Meditation, contemplation
• Gentle movement, dance
• Journaling, reflection
• Nature immersion
• Reading, study
• Creative expression
• Simply being

Let practice emerge naturally.

C. When It's Hard

If solitude is difficult:

• This is normal at first
• Sit with discomfort
• Don't escape
• Breathe through it
• It will pass

Difficulty is part of the practice.

Conclusion: The Mastery of Aloneness

Solitude is not avoidance.

Solitude is mastery.

Being alone is easy.

Being happily alone is advanced practice.

Because it requires:

• Complete self-knowledge
• Total self-sufficiency
• Full internal locus
• Absolute autonomy

Most people can't do this.

They need:

• Constant stimulation
• External validation
• Others to feel complete

But you—

You who can sit alone in silence.

You who can be joyful by yourself.

You who choose solitude from strength.

You are practicing mastery.

This is not:

• Avoiding intimacy
• Running from pain
• Spiritual bypassing

This is:

• Facing yourself completely
• Building complete autonomy
• Spiritual mastery

So choose solitude.

Not from fear.

But from strength.

Not from avoidance.

But from mastery.

Be alone.

Be joyfully alone.

Be completely, radiantly, masterfully alone.

This is advanced practice.

This is spiritual mastery.

This is freedom.

This completes the Solo Joy series. You now have the complete framework: community and solitude are both valid, solo joy is complete, introverts can practice the Light Path quietly, and choosing aloneness is mastery. May you find your path—alone, together, or flowing between both. 💡🍙✨