Anxiety Prevention: Worth Beyond Performance

BY NICOLE LAU

Childhood Internal Locus Building: Ages 0-12

Internal locus prevents anxiety. When worth doesn't depend on performance - when children know they're valuable regardless of outcomes, grades, achievements - there's nothing to be anxious about. Worth is already secure. External locus creates anxiety. When worth depends on performance, every test, game, interaction becomes high-stakes. Anxiety is inevitable. Your job is to build internal locus so strong that performance anxiety cannot take hold. Worth beyond performance is anxiety prevention.

Why External Locus Creates Anxiety

Worth at Stake: "My worth depends on this outcome." Every performance threatens worth. Constant anxiety. External locus.

Fear of Failure: "If I fail, I'm worthless." Failure threatens identity. Paralyzing anxiety. External locus.

Constant Pressure: "I must perform perfectly to be valuable." Perpetual pressure creates chronic anxiety. External locus.

Catastrophic Thinking: "If I don't succeed, everything will fall apart." External locus amplifies stakes. Anxiety spirals.

How Internal Locus Prevents Anxiety

1. Worth Beyond Performance

What to Teach:

- "Your worth doesn't depend on how you perform"

- "You're valuable whether you succeed or fail"

- "Outcomes don't threaten your worth"

- "Your value is already secure"

Why: When worth is secure, performance can't threaten it. Anxiety decreases. Internal locus.

2. Mistakes Are Safe

What to Teach:

- "Mistakes don't make you worthless"

- "Everyone makes mistakes"

- "Mistakes are learning, not threats"

- "You're safe even when you mess up"

Why: When mistakes are safe, anxiety about making them decreases. Internal locus.

3. Failure Doesn't Destroy Worth

What to Teach:

- "You can fail and still be valuable"

- "Failure is an event, not an identity"

- "Your worth survives failure"

- "Failure doesn't threaten who you are"

Why: When failure can't destroy worth, anxiety about failing decreases. Internal locus.

4. Process Over Outcome

What to Focus On:

- "Focus on effort, not just results"

- "The process matters more than the outcome"

- "You can control effort, not always outcomes"

- "Doing your best is enough"

Why: Process focus reduces outcome anxiety. Internal locus.

5. Model Calm Worth

What to Show:

- Your worth doesn't depend on your performance

- You stay calm through outcomes

- You don't catastrophize

- You have perspective

Why: Children learn from what you do. Model anxiety-free internal locus.

What NOT to Do

Don't Tie Worth to Performance: "I'm only proud when you succeed." Creates performance anxiety. External locus.

Don't Catastrophize: "If you fail this test, your future is ruined!" Amplifies anxiety. External locus.

Don't Show Anxiety About Their Performance: Your anxiety teaches them their performance threatens worth.

Don't Make Everything High-Stakes: "This is so important!" "You must succeed!" Creates anxiety.

When Anxiety Appears

If child shows performance anxiety:

Validate Feelings: "You're feeling anxious. That's okay."

Separate Worth: "Your worth doesn't depend on this. You're valuable regardless."

Reduce Stakes: "This is one test/game/performance. It's not everything."

Focus on Process: "Just do your best. That's all you can control."

Get Help if Needed: Persistent anxiety may need professional support.

The Bottom Line

Prevent anxiety by building internal locus. Worth beyond performance, mistakes are safe, failure doesn't destroy worth, process over outcome, model calm worth. External locus creates anxiety - worth depends on performance, every outcome is high-stakes, constant pressure. Internal locus prevents anxiety - worth is already secure, performance can't threaten it, nothing to be anxious about. Your child's worth is beyond performance. This is anxiety prevention.

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Next: Depression Prevention - Joy as Birthright

Childhood Internal Locus Building series: Practical guidance for raising children with inherent worth.

— Nicole Lau, 2026